This just seen on a wise woman’s email signature:
As a scientist, I am not sure anymore that life can be reduced to a class struggle, to dialectical materialism, or any set of formulas. Life is spontaneous and it is unpredictable, it is magical. I think that we have struggled so hard with the tangible that we have forgotten the intangible. ~ Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider, Northern Exposure, Zarya, 1994
Today’s stuff so far. It’s not quite noon. I’ve noticed it’s very difficult to do too many coaching ICA classes in a day. My heart gets so FULL and there’s so much I’m keen on DOing after each class. Today I sent 3-4 discussion messages on some kind of high-focus support group, the take-homes from our Legal Issues class (spectacular life experience on the call). Now a quick look at email showed me the quote above, and this below:
My mother had breast cancer that metastized to her lungs. I was with her everyday through her illness to her final breadth.
The question is not how can I help them or what can I say to comfort them, but how can I be present for this person. What is my lesson here and how can I best serve?
I believe there are angels that meet us when we are born and angels who help us pass. You may be one of those angels. I have been at the side of four of my loved ones.
My mother and I talked a lot about death and dying before she passed and she told me that the biggest gift I gave her was that I was willing to listen and discuss things with her that others were afraid to. It gave her the space to process things, make arrangements and prepare her for her journey. My support and honesty was invaluable to her. She called me her little Rock of Gibralter. (I was born in Spain )
Be willing to be present in every moment and what needs doing will be shown to you. There are always signs that guide us to where we need to be.
Die before the Battle- Surrender and there will be no need to fight, to find a way. It will be shown to you.
I thought a year ago of calling my coaching
“Die Before The Battle”
which I though (and still do) covers about everything. Why not play with the “D” word, anyway? I’m just not sure that my coaching needs a name.
Now: Die before the battle, live until the end. It’s over when it’s over, and not until.
Twenty years from now
you will be more disappointed
by all the things you didn’t do
than by the ones you did.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbour.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover. ~ Mark Twain
I see my older emails
Just yesterday I asked my husband’s comments on what he sees me doing really well and he surprised me by saying that he’s blown away by my comfort and calling and ease in working with people in the dying process. The client I spoke of earlier died in April and I’ve given it little directed thought since then. Now my husband’s comments and these emails i’m reading. It feels like time to revisit this.
so my questions are …
(1) what WOULD a “welcome” packet look like (my welcome packet) to a person who was dying?
(2) How can I be TOTALLY present and attract the clients who see the value of what I’m offering? What do the payment conversations sound like in my Asian home?
I imagine I’d not give much of a packet, but feel I’d like a lot to be prepared. How to turn my offering into a simple statement and create dialogue with them over what “completion” looks like for them.
In the death process I’d really like them to TOTALLY lead, but me have quick resources at hand to gently access whatever is wanted immediately as it is wanted.
What’s on offer here and how do we talk about it spaciously but concretely enough that there will be a livelihood for this offering? I wonder what we could come up by talking together. I wonder who else might like to join a real-time conversation?
all of these are still true. still open questions. still a place I invite deep dialogue or light and lively story telling!
Next I’ll rouse myself to mellowly-zip off on my bike to Taiwan’s largest book store to look for:
“The Portable Coach” for our ICA book club
“Tales for the Dying”
“The Four Things that Matter Most”
“Final Gifts” by Maggie Callahan and Patricia Kelley, written for caregivers, hospice workers, families, and for the person who is dying.
On Amazon, searching through books this: It’s been said that life is a sexually transmitted condition with a terminal prognosis.
One day I’ll write about Aubrey deGrey (look him up if you wan’t wait for my post).
Let’s see how I do at a veggie lunch with husband then a jaunt to buy bike cyclometer and to the afore-mentioned bookstore.