How I process (and what I’m processing)

Each person processes things differently. People have asked me for an example. I’m happy to share my own. It’s the process I know best.

I love telling stories of what’s going on. Neutrally reporting facts and feeling and interpretations, without particular attachment to any of it. For this to work, there needs to be a sounding board. This is rare. I try to keep a few rare individuals around me. They are gems in my life. I somehow more fully  realize what I’m doing in my life, by stopping to write about it to a listening-soul! (as this was originally written in an email that just wouldn’t stop, thank you Wendy).
I also hold circles for the circle to be sounding board … wisdom circles, dialogue circles, healing circles, success team circles. I recently read of story circles. Just circles.

I see what I’m doing, below, is an update and ending with what my question is with regard to each vignette/situation. I’ll notice the patterns.

My update: I’m watching myself over-commit this month. Well, I go around in my self-story that I have all the time in the world. Then I start committing to things, they look fine, then some condition changes and I figure how I can alter something in the bigger picture to make everything still OK. Soon it feels all is in flux and as much as I like that I seem to loose track of what’s most important, and that I no longer have “all the time in the world”.  I’ve  been very quiet since last summer, so a schedule as full as what I report here is new for me. This came up rather suddenly in the last month and it’s novel enough (and yet a model I lived from in that past, so also an old friend).

My new things
– cancelled the coaching series with my peer coach in India. He seems confused by this action, suggesting that it’s the natural coaching ups and downs and that I’m avoiding my topic, my dream web site. In my heart I feel spacious and solid that the web will happen in its time and that others will mobilize around this topic when the time is right. Basically this feels settled.  My question is in how I can represent the web work, and to who, to keep it up and invite the support the project needs.

– other coach (personal trainer/coach) just now “leaning in on me.”  My sensation is that what I am doing and saying is not OK with her. Feels like she is trying some strategy she envisions as “whipping me into shape”.  I’m the one who invited her into my life, of course. I need to say something to her in response that is fully honoring and inviting of me and her and our truths. True, and I have no energy to compose the email. I anticipate it’ll take an hour. An hour email to you is fine, to her, now, is work. There’s an energetic barrier to beginning. The foundation between her and me doesn’t feel solid enough for the real talk that’s needed. I could be mistaken. I think both these peer coach cases tell me  a lot about how I am and wish to be as a coach. The “how is this process working for you?” question is pivotal. With the second coach, I wonder what is a simple way to “test the water” to see if we are on the same page.

– new craniosacral client on Sunday. 1 client in the afternoon. Realizing that I wish I booked  several clients back to back. Coming into and getting out of that energy takes time. When it’s only 1 client the whole afternoon is taken. How do I schedule more effectively to really serve who I am, how I work and what I need? Sometimes 1 client is fine, but it very much constrains what the adjacent space/time. I think in terms of “one day” I’ll have a web page for clients to sign up on. What can I do in the meantime to meet my needs?

– with her I’m working on bringing in some regularity to my daily body practices. I was thinking about a “1st thing on waking” and “regular aerobic and gym” routine. My sense is that it’s really about a daily practice, without the limitation of when in the day it happens. the intention holds, I’m totally flexible to the mechanism that it takes to succeed. What’s the next step here? Today (now) body is tired and wants to stretch and meditate (at the same time the report is whispering on another window).”simply” reaching this clarity is a huge step forward. It’s where I’m AT. Engaging where I’m at, and having it be OK are so essential for me. Be where I’m at.

– meeting a religious teacher. I’ve been to 2 group practices on Sunday nights. the practices are wonderful but group energy … just something odd overall. At times I wonder if people have “given up” some of themselves to the teacher. Not everyone, and usually not anyone specifically when I look clearly,  but it’s somehow resident in the room. Unsettling is a perfectly-fine way. Both.  The practices (qigong, water fist)  are extremely comfortable and stretching my ability. Both. I asked to meet the teacher last night. 9:30 – 1am process. light. social. many people came in to attend to our meeting and other foreigners to be in the room together. The teacher told a few of them that I could help them with physical issues they have. The teacher told me just stuff that was perfect… one student prompted me to say I was looking for a teacher. I did. What teacher said to me as … if I keep jumping roads it’ll be hard to get where I’m going. He said “hmmm, that’s a good method” when I said I’ve read lots of spiritual books that i learned a lot from and yet once I read them I forget the book itself and just feel that I’m different and that’s nice. He said I’m welcome to come back. He asked me to drink tea with the tea master last night. He said regarding my changed sleep patterns. to keep single focus and just be OK with it. (yep, that’s totally my deepest belief) With regard to liver congestion it’s likely emotions that get blocked, to notice them. (yep, that’s totally my deepest belief).  When I left someone commented on all the new clients i got from the night. Feels like no straight talk about what’s going on, and yet when I ask straight, the answer is straight (in that there are no expectations and each person decides what works for them). Everyone there I enjoy – in particular are 2 people I easily identify with. American woman in high-level corporate job. South American lawyer husband who is the one who introduced me to this group. feels Ok to just relax in the whole group. Today I’m exhausted, slow-moving and unfocused from late night, but very mellow/satisfied to have this developing. Thinking this morning, a saying comes to mind “The way to the way it is, is the way it is in me.”  Yep. He loaned me a book last night “The Golden Age of Zen” His place is like a spiritual school. (that clicks comfortably into place) With those words, it’s suddenly clear and attractive what my next step and position are.
This also links to my question of when I’ll spend time around my craniosacral teacher this year. I have not scheduled any time, nor looked at his schedule. By Dec ’08 I intend to bring him to Taiwan and have 2 or 3 full workshops. To make that happen requires some attention. Starting now.

– booked 3 1-day healing workshops in May. I’m organizerr. (somehow the typo looks right to leave) Got the packet of background material Friday night. I’m committed to translating and producing it all and finding in-the-room translators for May. Very do-able adn (sic, but like it) attractive IF i get more people on my team. Sunday sent out “help needed” emails to several people and got LOTS of new suggestions and candidates to help with things. I’m thankful that I HAVE these several people to write to in my life. I’m rich. Now I need to somehow organize all that, while everything else moves forward. This is only 1 piece of what I’m building and committing to now.

– I speak with my mother each week whenever she calls. We spoke this morning. She’s watching her husband slow WAY down in the last year. He’s now 89, my mom 77. I can hear what’s actually frustration and impatience in her voice. We talk of many things but not frustration and impatience. It feels like time to book a ticket to be near them for a few weeks in the not too distant future. Just the last 2 calls things are getting into cozy-introspective space between us. She tells little stories of how she observed my sister as a person wiser than her, when my sister was only 6 or 7. My mom explains that deep down she’s still offended and shocked that what people say isn’t always true. This is new space for us. I laugh with her, as with clients, about how funny the truths of life are that we so often choose to suffer about, instead. This is very cozy space. I rarely felt she could hear me. A few years ago I chose consciously to totally hear her instead. The last 2 calls feel like an indication of how this is evolving.

– yesterday was 6am coaching. 8:30-11:30 interviews at a big paper producing company about their e-learning programs, what they are, how they are working, what’s ahead… then till 2:40 with new cICA student here, helping her with discussion board and forum (see smoothjazz in my blogroll), then translation work (nominally) till 6:40, then dinner with husband and work on report and spiritual teacher’s school 9:30 – 1am. whew!

– from my sunday “help” emails a friend came yesterday from 2-6pm. We worked together. We started with an hour of qigong and meditation (totally “healing” me- perfect way to begin)  She’d like to do more things together. She wants me to commit to a regular healing circle for the community. I tell her that with a team i can commit, but not alone. It feels this team may be coming now with the stimulation of the May workshops. How do I get my head around this and be fully aware and connected with my intention?

– another key person my team has travelled to the south for the weekend so as all this scrambling to set up the plan of action was happening, she was out of contact. I left a phone message. This morning she called back. I am attempting to show the bigger picture, in as far as I’m able to, and invite her into any part that is interesting. How do I call together the “team candidates” and ahve a whole group conversation about what is possible from our various perspectives? For sure it’s bigger than just May. Much bigger.

– 2 reports I’ve WAY under budgeted and yet totally enjoy. Deadline tomorrow and Thursday and not “clear” on how it will happen. The process is totally enriching and impactful for people around me. I feel it’s not at all about the reports but something much bigger that’s totally worth it. I’m showing people a new way to have meetings and talk about work. Part of me thinks I need to cancel the meeting in the entry, below. Part of me realizes teh “strategy” to success is clearing my focus and sitting down to work with my plate clear. It’s 10am. I think by 11:30 until the meeting, below I can sit to work. Probably I can do a progressive relaxation body exercise before to refresh and renew myself.

– boss of that govt non-profit that the reports are for has asked me to be “consultant” We dont know what that means. Today he’s inviting me to the 3rd meeting with me as consultant, then dinner together after. In an email to him several days I ago I wrote “I’ve not worked for your group as translator, editor, strategist, english trainer, presentation coach .. and I feel this has all been greatly worthwhile for all of us. I also have a feeling that my greatest value to you is in something else and that’s coaching for you. ” I THINK that’s what we’ll be able to talk about at dinner or in the afternoon, but no time and energy to give much further thought to that now. I simply see that I need to have quiet time beforehand to gather myself. No question.I’m likely to have this be my “big topic” tomorrow. So now you’re on board.

– double booked for this afternoon. I have a biology researcher who cancelled last week and rescheduled to today. I said yes to him and to the meeting person (I keep imagining I have all the time in the world). This is now resolved (see later on). It was eating at me the last couple days when I couldn’t decide between which of 2 appointments to cancel. How can I reduce that way I spend my life energy?

– just cancelled choir performance for today. too much on my plate. Do I need to step out of choir, or can I stay on for our last concert with this director, a friend. Can’t find my music. Energy-consuming disarray around me.

– just got phone call from the researcher. he didnt’ see my email but called hoping to reschedule today. I’ve been working with them almost 2 years and everything always works out well.

– my body is burning with tiredness. Choir person just called to confirm they got my message. Kinda a messy way to live, but now the path is clear for the day, which seems like:  progressive relaxation, meditation, re-locate to a place I can sit and work on report until the afternoon meeting. afternoon meeting.

I’ve just reviewed this email. Boy, do I have a lot on my plate. Boy do I really enjoy it. Boy are there some clear questions here that are not at all new. The time to sit and speak/write to someone who’s listening allows me to settle. What a gift. I’m thinking now that with income coming in it may be time to start a new coaching series with a glorious “sacred listening post” coach i’ve had before. Like windshield wipers she could help me clear the windshield so (for example) in your and my time together I might focus on pieces your unique presence, and our relationship gifts particularly well.

And that feels more like crafting and naming and living into a settled way of
– getting coaching and craniosacral and facilition done
– having plenty of wanderer time
– working effectively with self-organizing groups
– keeping my personal practices at a high level that cares for me.
~~~~~~~
And none of this is something I can write for a “journal”. I can only write it for a listener. Maybe I am by nature a storyteller. How would I know, other than to observe and ask for feedback?

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