The obstacles ARE the path.
The way to the way it is, is the way it is in me.
Nominally, I’m involved in a translation of 2 reports. The intention was to have a product suitable to apply for an award through a western audience. At the outset, both were sortof zen-writing. My job (as I saw it) was to move them to rational-sense writing with key logical points.
In 1 document, the forest I was in, kept changing.
In the other, there were spectacular details on the trees and I lost track of the forest.
What i did was to start interviewing (facilitating) and expanding the information I had until I had a clear view of each situation, or so I thought. The view got expanded, sure enough, but not clear. Time ran out. Crunch came on. The deadline came and went. More interviews were held to make sense, seemed guilt-deflection manouvers started cropping up in me and in others. I had trouble speaking the truth of our status in a way it could be heard. After I exhausted myself in foggy-space, finally I got my message across. It wasn’t that hard, actually, when I was distressed and more direct. By then I found I was well below zero energy reserves. I’d bought in too deeply to some kind of communication fallacy. That was 2 days ago. Yesterday I had a morning of blank blinks (like southpark figures) and very productive creative thought about the bigger context of my life … not the reports. By afternoon I was working very efficiently on the reports. Now feeling light, and in “end game” with 1 report. Yesterday I started with a blank file and began importing information ONLY when it was coherent with what I already had. Now I’m in the results section and to me it’s brilliant. Hope the client thinks so, too – either now, or when it wins an award or their client is thrilled or it otherwise has impact. I secretly believe it will have huge indirect impact since it’s an unusual perspective. It’s fully me, anyway. If my previous experiences are any clue this event will slip far from my memory before I hear, indirectly, that the impact was huge. That’s good, because my ego has long dissociated from the process and result.
And the second report? Friday noon I sent summary notes to “knowledgable person” and felt huge relief. I need to call him today to check in. Might be English/Chinese issue there in him reading what I wrote.
Both ideally will be sent in today. Hmmm. Now 7:30 am (re-reading and it’s 7:45).
So, at the end of the day, like all else, I seem to be doing this for myself. Might as well fess up. It’s OK if I’m paid. It’s nice if I’m paid a large amount (my assessment is that the real value is high as it includes breaking image sets in my client and client’s client, but none of that is in my work description). Honestly, getting paid at all is by no means necessary (shhhhh!!). It just so happens that these reports are how I chose to bring myself out into the world after over a year (two?) of quiet. That combined with the coaching calls and visibility there. No wonder it was such a struggle. My soul was changing outward appearance.
Future advice: the closer I can keep my process partners appraised and in agreement with what’s REALLY going on, the less draining it will be for me. Sounds simple, right? How do I forget years of trying to do my best work before the game got closed down by others – operating under the radar? Certainly in this case it was unconscious. My partners will probably realize that I’ve said much of this to them, fairly early, but I could have said it even earlier. Moving my own unconscious realization to conscious communication as fast as possible is my challenge.