Dante Coffee after my usual doujiang and hot shaobing breakfast (21NT), and loved watching the guy ahead of me. Service person quiet and calm as the man took his time scaning the menu board to pick his breakfast drink … the sound of thinking, the look of concentration. Around him me, amused in no hurry, ditto with sales lady. He thinks out loud the name of what he most wants. She says “good” in a confident totally accepting way and he bursts out in the smile of accomplishment. What an amazing sensation. This woman has made his moment. He can relax into the simple pleasure of knowing what he wants, naming it and having it simply enthusiastically approved of by another person. He beams. I beam watching the whole thing take place and how content and full he looks. Quite strikingly beautiful. My turn. Just name what I want (cheapest drink that allows me the comfort of the seat and internet). Sales lady represses a huge smile. I smile. She no longer represses. We sparkle at each other an instant, then get on with life. One of those mornings.
What a difference a day makes. Yesterday I woke from one of the worst sleeps I ever have. Before sleep I set a dream intention – information on how to live this week, feeling the stress of the registration results not being what I wished for, still much to do on the manual, fearful of needing to inconvenience another person. All through the night I woke with commands from my unconscious … do this, do that, now do this, say this to this person. Noisey! At first I didn’t write them down, not wanting to bow to low-vibrational commands, but then couldn’t get back to sleep. Once I wrote them, wham, asleep until the next one.
The day yesterday: breakfast. 10a set up at Paul’s computer for new assistant-applicant’s 1-hour work/interview. Cramed in as many emails as I could before. The hour was focused, relaxed, enriching. Midway I’d agreed on a phone call to meet Jim at 11:30 for lunch since he was bullet training it up to Taipei. 11 I start to leave and get an other skype from coachee in Japan (Oh NO! It’s not Tuesday with her, it’s Monday …e-gads, I forgot). I answer. I name my problem. I propose 10 minutes of focus where I am totally hers. She obviously gets another full free session as per our agreement if I cancel/change w/i 24 hours. None of this phases her and she uses that 10 minutes in a relaxed soulful way. I marvel that I have such relationships. Off phone. on bike. quick 15 min bike ride. Businessman’s lunch, Jim’s new packaging. He’s amazing. Do-er. Driver. Accomplisher. Visionary. Walk with him to his lecture (4 hour lecture!!) bike to gym. 6 lengths in olympic pool (last time was 2 months ago!) Feel brilliant. To studio, it’s now 2p. Prep for Paulina at 3. Oh, NO! not ready, not organized, where are the files, no WAY I can focus on our facilitation meeting next week (NOISE). She arrives, I’m not present. It takes an hour for me to be settled … phone calls, emails, computer stuff. She says she’ll do whatever I need. Whatever I need. Whatever I need. And she means it. Light. Simple. So we check Chinese for the BodyTalk manual. Then dinner. I made a call I was resisting. Wanted to hug the person at the other end for being a gem. Dialogue group in the evening: Fan, Ripley, Paulina, me. Life transitions is the theme of our 6 meetings. Ended at 9pm with Cherokee Dance on the roof. Paul forgot he was going to come over (it’s his birthday. he declares himself to be 12. Somehow that’s a totally appropriate age for him to pick). He was delivered a HUGE basket of fruit from the lab that he works with. They love him, as well they might.
What changed? Cherokee dance int eh morning (in the park) I reminded myself that my highest wish is for all that I am to be given away. (relief) Spoke that into the circle … the whole process… long silence after. Then the request for again on the roof.
People around me notice my high standards, how hard I am on myself for not being able to do everything, how much, in fact we have done in the last month, and how FUN it was. oh. an now I have this HUGE opening with new Chinese buddy/assistants asking to work together. I’ve been reminded that if I were to go back to any formal involvement with research it would be in neuroscience. I’ve reminded myself that Aven has asked me to write a book she can publish. Paul joins in this conversation with gusto.