What’s alive, what’s dead — What’s dream, what’s artifice?

How does one (me) know for themselves what’s true for them?

[Movie/music track for this entry]

Dream workshop yesterday. Great work. Raw. Everyone “messing” with everything. Hard to hear for the noise. People uncomfortable with discomfort. The pontificators. The way-too-clever ones. Ego making it about ME. Pai ma pi.
I offered my dream, the one I had last Monday morning and “lived inside of” for many hours after the dream. From that semi dream-state, and after, I did many things that had distinctively different results. They felt great. That’s how I knew it was for me.

Then yesterday I told the dream, knowing I’d not like all the noise that would come up around me. There would be ample evidence that people didn’t understand and I had to hang with that, because I’m one of the people, and they’re only trying to understand what I told them, anyway. In fact, these are highly discerning, intelligent and compassionate people. No surprises there. And when I “get” the distress that is real, and really mine, it’s going to be uncomfortable for others. They might become busy in their own discomfort and attempts to comfort me and I have to let my discomfort be pure enough not to get caught up in them. Whew! hard work. How do I just hang out in my personal discomfort enough to let it brew the stew that’s patiently waiting to be brewed?

While writing this I got the email announcing the birth of Evalee Jane (as in happy evalee after). She’s in Canada in BC’s referral preemie hospital where they do a fantastic job (I’m told) of combining science and spirit (hey, I want to do that, too!).

I went there to be prodded into a state of being affected by my dream, mindful that my resistance to this work was/is high. But so are the rewards. I’m the one with the bike accident and the ambulance and fire truck and numerous “riot gear-clad” emergency service personnel show up at my door the morning of my dream. How’s that for reaching into one part of my life to “protect me” from another part?

Once a Chinese medical doctor who at some point discovered that he “saw” people’s lives like movies unfolding in front of his eyes told me this…

– where you live is bad for you (house, or siting, or city or what is not clear)
– you’d be good at psychic surgery, do you know what that is? (yep, surely it’s a metaphor)
– reading signs from the “external physical world” is second nature to you, but you’re not paying attention to this gift it’s such an unconscious expectation
– much of what you are doing is learning to manipulate the physical world at a distance to deliver you what you actually need which is very different from what you want.

How’d he get this from a movie? What in the world does one do with information like this coming in? I guess just notice it and put it aside but be ready to bring it out as a reframe when it’s useful. Course, the trick is discerning what’s real USE and what’s entertainment or distraction.

So, these are the thoughts I work up with … that and how it feels to be “holding a dead baby” [dream language]. Of course, the dead baby I’m holding is not the REAL dead baby but until I start burying the dead babies I SEE I’ll never get a chance to bury the ones that are the real ones. The work, as I see it, is to begin where I am. One dead baby at a time.

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