What do I do when people want to see “Jane’s model”? They seem to want to see it in order to mentally evaluate it. Jane has no “THE model,” LOTS of models make sense. I don’t think I can SHOW what I really believe is going on. I don’t want to bother cluttering things by pretending something I don’t fully endorse. That’s the source of so much of the problem people come to me with. FACTS don’t bother them. Accommodating them when they are in conflict with some rule IS the problem. Some split happens and sucks energy up.
Also true: I have several change models I like. None that are absolute. (Virginia Satir’s, Harrison Owen’s OST model, lots of my coaching peers have models I think are glorious and resonate with how I see the world). There’s also things like organizational change models or psychological development. These have varying application and attractiveness.
I guess I reject any attempt or enticement to “look smart”. It wearies.
Jane — sorry, that’ s me — MY coaching strength, as I see it, is that I SEE what’s going on at many different levels with my client, whatever their level, whatever their situation. Or at least I’m willing to see. I ask to see. They tend to feel safe and comfortable and they answer the inquiries by advocating their truth, and getting it on the table for everyone to see. I GET them, their story, their feelings, their interpretation of something like “end-of-the-road-ness” about whatever’s going on. I can communicate that back to them. People say I communicate THEM to THEM, often with more detail or intensity than they dared/intended to reveal. AND what I see and say looks beautiful and full of possibility where they saw only blocks OR when they say how wonderful something is I may see that its wonderfullness may be a barrier, and name that, too (reframe). It’s like I see them totally with glasses that show how it’s glorious and full of life/spirit/color. So, I level with what my experience is in being in this conversation. People tell me that this alone is radical.
Can I “publicise” this as what I do? I doubt it would sell. But Harrison Owen (the OST guy) does a fine job of re-framing all these truths into a simple message, a simple model. He probably uses the word magic. I could, too.
Now, if the purpose of the model is to inspire confidence, then I want to HEAR from my audience before I show the model FOR THEM. Because it’s the EXPERIENCE of looking at the model I want to convey, not the intellect or the interpretation of the world. And not my words IF the words may not be ones they an hear.
Jane (self-coaching), is that TRUE?
Um, no. Not necessarily. Not true. I have a very clear interpretation that fundamentally it’s all OK exactly as it is right now. AND I know that dead-end mindsets will probably LOVE to reject that idea. So I don’t want to play that card. I just want to be very quiet and very ready. I want to BE dialogue, and not debate. “Never apologize, never explain” are th e words that pop into my mind. Receptive. Receptive. Receptive. Is my intention. Give me instructions and I’ll do THAT with the intention of
– forward movement (action)
– the glory to be revealed
My intention is to be of service. I think I do that best by being very very light about all my HOWS, and totally about my readiness. I’m not processing a person THROUGH my model. So, I don’t want to give the words that need to be used.
Ah-ha! I think I’d like to have a model of 3 models plus an “etc.” Then say, in each coaching we actually create the specific model we are going to follow, by receiving
* who you are
* what is true NOW
* what you intend to do with the support of coaching
When my magic happens is when I speak FOR them. I sponsor them and see intensely their truth, but from a slightly different perspective.
Meanwhile … Yuki called. I asked her what she thinks my model is. She says it’s comfortable and safe talking to me and her own answers come up easily in that setting.