Flaw into a Feature — Self-coaching on writing my coaching model

I don’t suffer too much. I almost never worry. It’s quite distinctive when I do, and I SURE am suffering whenever I think about writing my coaching model. I HATE lying, or TRICKS I say in my internal dialogue. I also say things like

– there’s NO SUCH thing as a SINGLE model
– the IDEA of a single model repels me
– WHO am I writing to, anyway? My colleagues or my potential clients?
– How can I write a model that is fully authentic and I can show ANYONE?
– What hubrous if I attempt to say I KNOW in advance what I am doing?
– It’s the NOT knowing that allows this to work.
– So WHY would anyone pay me? (because it works)
– How would they know? (I tell them it does, and tell them stories and let them try it out)
– If you speak another language than them, they’re unlikely to listen that far into the conversation.
– You’re right.
– They’ll probably also find partially incredible someone who has conversations with themself  on their blog
– You probably have a point there!

That’s the suffering, and the noise I’m inside of right now. Not really a big deal. Mostly it’s amusing, but I’d like to make some progress with this.
Then the self-coaching says, GREAT! In this question we seem to have plugged right into some energetic mainstream. Look at the strength of these words. You are SOOOOO repelled by “X” … and what does that tell you about what it is you are attracted to, or you uniquely care about? What is it telling you about what’s really true for you in this situation?


The word model sounds clinical, cold, oppressive, smart (in the worst possible sense of the word). I listen “through” the word when other people use it, so it just sort of slides off. It never really bothers me. But I SOOO don’t want to dance with this partner.

So, if you were to see through the drama that’s suddenly shown up, what would you say about what’s really going on here? In your own words, what is it you want to say, which other people say with the word “model?”


You ask what I do. I don’t exactly know, and that works pretty good for me. I try to talk to who’s in front of me in a connected way. Noone is in front of me now. I seem to be asked to say that there’s some kind of absolute truth here that I ascribe to. I don’t! I really don’t. Or at least not beyond the simple truth of “What is” or “What’s showing up here” or even “What’s showing up in this story.”

I want to engage, dance with what shows up. Loving what is. Saying Yes to everything but really seeing it and naming it very clearly. Leveling. I level. The levelling can get sort of random if there’s noone else in the conversation that I am leveling IN RELATION to. Yep, I DO see this too.

Here’s 2 pictures.

The shortest story is: People come to me at odds with something. They feel it. It hurts. The hurt creates more hurt. At the very least I help the hurting not hurt, which frees up surprising resources.  These can then be used to address the original pain.

The image shift is from energetically scrambled to energetically aligned.

I look for where the un-accessed possibilities lie. Interestingly, from my perspective people are always demonstrating — directly or indirectly — an abundance of these. Always. No judgment about this. I know there’s a very good reason they are not seeing them. That’s enough. That reason is not my interest. It’s not necessary for me to to figure it out. Sometimes there seems a good reason for the client to want to figure it out. I can help. Usually its of no interest to anyone, as the “world changes” with the forward motion and the reason is instantly obsolete, it’s part of an extinct world.

I also seem to engage the energy that’s going into scrambling, and by respectfully meeting and engaging it, it disappears. It could be that in some way it’s the energy of resistance and when it’s warmly embraced it can let go. Honestly, I don’t know. And I don’t expect this to make any sense to anyone, really. It wouldn’t make sense to me except that I see it over and over. I’m not sure trying to give everything names is helpful.

And here’s a fuller picture.

There is no part of this picture that I always do. I’m mostly trying to sense into what is useful, and only do that. In the moment. Sensing into, by the way, involves more than 5 senses. I’ve learned that my body has lots of senses. The word empathic groups them together.

So, here’s some steps.

1. For whatever reason, a person finds me. They are troubled by something and they tell me.

2. I ask if they’d like help.

Let’s say the answer is yes.

Is this something that can be dealt with in this moment?

Is it an appointment for bodywork? or coaching? or a general conversation?

Already I’ve been pretty busy with my main question — and it’s a habit or a practice, not always a conscious question. The question is “Who’s here, right now?” I answer that question with regard to myself as well as them, as well as us. These 3 entities are each quite distinctive flavors. One without the other would be missing the boat. The boat is about our relationship. The relationship is MY relationship with them, THEIR relationship with me, as well as the relationship we make together. A part of this seems to be fleeting, and a part seems to be rather long-term.

Let’s say we decide on VIP coaching. This creates a structure for bodywork, facilitation and coaching and whatever other services we figure out are needed.

I LISTEN for what wants to be spoken and try to say that. I intend to hear from my client’s perspective. I like to check-in, to confirm that I got it. Then I SENSE into what intrigues me in the whole picture, into what seems to be calling me or calling my attention in the moment. I also notice that what seems to be hiding and not spoken often very loudly attracts my attention. Really, this is pretty much the end of the intentional DO-ing. I let the relationship lead me. I highlight the client’s passion and responsibility.

I have lots of “how’s” at my disposal. I have a network who can suggest other “how’s”. A how has no meaning as a how. It’s meaning comes from what it’s in service of. I want to keep that in toe forefront get to that.

I engage people in energetic dialogue in service of their intention. On this path lies transformation, abundant resources, joy, fulfillment.

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