Deadline for handing in my 11 items is now past, and (surprise!) nothing external changed. Internally I’m relaxed and joyful and I continue my work. Yesterday morning and this morning I woke luxuriously, slowly. I have a record-keeping task ahead of me, and so re-visit my deep aversion to keeping records. Part of me doesn’t care, won’t push against this, and just rides this wave out. Another part is curious what in the world is going on.
A few times in the last year I sat to organize the records. It’s hard to describe what happened then. It was like an internal explosion. Some part of me SO didn’t want to do this. UAC (unconscious automatic commitment). Trapped in a very dangerous place. Even now as I think of this I’m suddenly hot, the mirror shows my face burning. So my response?
Just not do it and trust all will resolve in due course, and be well with the world. And it is (which is true, no matter what happens, I realize).
Resolution has been to
– have a conversation with the record-receivers (warm and compassionate human beings, of course)
– clear the decks (10 of the 11 items done)
– sit to this task calmly and begin. Deadline has passed but the motivation and momentum continues. I feel as if I’m in new and very comfortable territory.
and I continue.