Archive for the 'self-coaching episode' Category

How to Design Culture: 16 Patterns to Build Adaptive Learning Organizations « emergent by design

Great read along the line of OpenSpace and self-organization.

How to Design Culture: 16 Patterns to Build Adaptive Learning Organizations « emergent by design.

 

Flaw into a Feature — Self-coaching on writing my coaching model

I don’t suffer too much. I almost never worry. It’s quite distinctive when I do, and I SURE am suffering whenever I think about writing my coaching model. I HATE lying, or TRICKS I say in my internal dialogue. I also say things like

– there’s NO SUCH thing as a SINGLE model
– the IDEA of a single model repels me
– WHO am I writing to, anyway? My colleagues or my potential clients?
– How can I write a model that is fully authentic and I can show ANYONE?
– What hubrous if I attempt to say I KNOW in advance what I am doing?
– It’s the NOT knowing that allows this to work.
– So WHY would anyone pay me? (because it works)
– How would they know? (I tell them it does, and tell them stories and let them try it out)
– If you speak another language than them, they’re unlikely to listen that far into the conversation.
– You’re right.
– They’ll probably also find partially incredible someone who has conversations with themself  on their blog
– You probably have a point there!

That’s the suffering, and the noise I’m inside of right now. Not really a big deal. Mostly it’s amusing, but I’d like to make some progress with this.
Then the self-coaching says, GREAT! In this question we seem to have plugged right into some energetic mainstream. Look at the strength of these words. You are SOOOOO repelled by “X” … and what does that tell you about what it is you are attracted to, or you uniquely care about? What is it telling you about what’s really true for you in this situation?

Oh.

The word model sounds clinical, cold, oppressive, smart (in the worst possible sense of the word). I listen “through” the word when other people use it, so it just sort of slides off. It never really bothers me. But I SOOO don’t want to dance with this partner.

So, if you were to see through the drama that’s suddenly shown up, what would you say about what’s really going on here? In your own words, what is it you want to say, which other people say with the word “model?”

Oh.

You ask what I do. I don’t exactly know, and that works pretty good for me. I try to talk to who’s in front of me in a connected way. Noone is in front of me now. I seem to be asked to say that there’s some kind of absolute truth here that I ascribe to. I don’t! I really don’t. Or at least not beyond the simple truth of “What is” or “What’s showing up here” or even “What’s showing up in this story.”

I want to engage, dance with what shows up. Loving what is. Saying Yes to everything but really seeing it and naming it very clearly. Leveling. I level. The levelling can get sort of random if there’s noone else in the conversation that I am leveling IN RELATION to. Yep, I DO see this too.

Here’s 2 pictures.

The shortest story is: People come to me at odds with something. They feel it. It hurts. The hurt creates more hurt. At the very least I help the hurting not hurt, which frees up surprising resources.  These can then be used to address the original pain.

The image shift is from energetically scrambled to energetically aligned.

I look for where the un-accessed possibilities lie. Interestingly, from my perspective people are always demonstrating — directly or indirectly — an abundance of these. Always. No judgment about this. I know there’s a very good reason they are not seeing them. That’s enough. That reason is not my interest. It’s not necessary for me to to figure it out. Sometimes there seems a good reason for the client to want to figure it out. I can help. Usually its of no interest to anyone, as the “world changes” with the forward motion and the reason is instantly obsolete, it’s part of an extinct world.

I also seem to engage the energy that’s going into scrambling, and by respectfully meeting and engaging it, it disappears. It could be that in some way it’s the energy of resistance and when it’s warmly embraced it can let go. Honestly, I don’t know. And I don’t expect this to make any sense to anyone, really. It wouldn’t make sense to me except that I see it over and over. I’m not sure trying to give everything names is helpful.

And here’s a fuller picture.

There is no part of this picture that I always do. I’m mostly trying to sense into what is useful, and only do that. In the moment. Sensing into, by the way, involves more than 5 senses. I’ve learned that my body has lots of senses. The word empathic groups them together.

So, here’s some steps.

1. For whatever reason, a person finds me. They are troubled by something and they tell me.

2. I ask if they’d like help.

Let’s say the answer is yes.

Is this something that can be dealt with in this moment?

Is it an appointment for bodywork? or coaching? or a general conversation?

Already I’ve been pretty busy with my main question — and it’s a habit or a practice, not always a conscious question. The question is “Who’s here, right now?” I answer that question with regard to myself as well as them, as well as us. These 3 entities are each quite distinctive flavors. One without the other would be missing the boat. The boat is about our relationship. The relationship is MY relationship with them, THEIR relationship with me, as well as the relationship we make together. A part of this seems to be fleeting, and a part seems to be rather long-term.

Let’s say we decide on VIP coaching. This creates a structure for bodywork, facilitation and coaching and whatever other services we figure out are needed.

I LISTEN for what wants to be spoken and try to say that. I intend to hear from my client’s perspective. I like to check-in, to confirm that I got it. Then I SENSE into what intrigues me in the whole picture, into what seems to be calling me or calling my attention in the moment. I also notice that what seems to be hiding and not spoken often very loudly attracts my attention. Really, this is pretty much the end of the intentional DO-ing. I let the relationship lead me. I highlight the client’s passion and responsibility.

I have lots of “how’s” at my disposal. I have a network who can suggest other “how’s”. A how has no meaning as a how. It’s meaning comes from what it’s in service of. I want to keep that in toe forefront get to that.

I engage people in energetic dialogue in service of their intention. On this path lies transformation, abundant resources, joy, fulfillment.

“like listening to her thoughts – cool!”

OK, gotta share (you may notice I’m NOT out on my bike as promised).

Just read the latest entry of my classmate Meggie’s blog, a wellness coach who lives fully by her truth. I noticed her blogroll of my blog here and she says:

“Jane’s Blog — like listening to her thoughts … cool!”

Why am I totally charmed and hyped reading this? Why am I keen to share how nice this made me feel? I feel deeply seen, and deeply touched. I have nothing I want to tell anyone else to DO or to BE, but I like writing. I guess after all I’ve done and how long I’ve told others what to do — and thought complicated intelligent thoughts — what I’m now willing to do is share what I’m thinking (and doing) and then I show up in places that’s valued and I feel like I love what I’m doing.

Yesterday I spoke to my coach about what I did last week and who I spend time helping and we noticed I didn’t get paid for most of my “work” and so she asks … is that a problem or an issue? Nope. It seems enough money comes in for me to continue doing it this way, and I LOVE what doing. When this way doesn’t work, I’ll do something else, I guess.

So what’s the “take home lesson” here? Maybe it’s authenticity vs conditioning OR nothing to prove and noone to compete with. Which (somehow) links back with Meggie. Thanks!

And check out the book “The Life We Are Given.” It’s superb.

Anyone out there want to be part of an ITP group? I’d love to lead one. Contact me!

Making Things Happen vs Selecting From What Comes

It seems there’s nothing in particular to write about. You know, nothing much going on. Just same-ol same-ol.

Then I realize that that’s the news. In fact there is a huge amount happening, but quite effortlessly. I seem over the past months to have made a very quiet subtle shift from initiating to verbilizing attractive possibilities and then responding to what comes, simply noticing when it comes if it’s attractive … or more precisely what PART of that which has come to me is attractive to me. And that’s the part I respond to. I sortof have a schedule I keep. It’s not about doing tasks, but rather it’s about places I will be. There’s the morning at the computer, the ‘out on bike errands’ time, and the wandering (meandering) around time where I do whatever tickles my fancy. There’s also relaxed meal with husband time, which also happens when it feels nice. Recently it’s been about once a day. That’s nice.

It’s now 10am and today I’ve been on a coaching teleclass, spoken to my mom (always a highlight – she’s started a new quilt), I’ve coached, I’ve emailed coaching colleagues, received editing work and emailed back to them, gotten my husband’s help with a niggling errand, done internet research, been sparked by the idea of YouTube videos on my work, and contacted a new graphic designer about the OpenSpacePlace logo. In between I took a shower, exercised and had breakfast.

That’s only a part, and here it is, just 10am.

What I notice is that it’s unlikely I could ever have planned out this particular wash of activity. It might have tired me thinking of them all, but here they are all done and my feeling is light, energized and ready to go to the printing shop to print out the editing task (errands-on-bike phase begins!).

Take-home from this self-coaching episode:  it takes a lot of energy to write things down and try to make myself do them. Typically I’ve used my energy by writing a “to-do” and don’t do them (I’m very in-the-moment) then I feel bad (taking more energy). How much nicer it is just telling people how I work and asking them to contact me when the next step is needed. Yippee. Now 10:15 and off I go to the printer.